Why You Shouldn't Be BitterMonday, February 13, 2017
I have actually resolved to not openly talk about this area of my life here. Haha! But I thought I must share this just so we might have one less bitter single woman on Valentine’s day. :)
I was compelled to share this after I spent a very wonderful evening with my friend Shari last night. We spontaneously strolled around the Bay Area (aka Harbor Square haha) after attending Sunday service. We stayed out to enjoy the unusual Febulous chilly weather and ended up lounging around Sofitel. We were in time for a spectacular treat. Post-sunset radiant skies with the Full Moon. Still the stars were visible enough. Manila bay serenely reflected the city lights. Not to mention the romantically lit up pool-side by white lanterns dangling on coconut trees. Now I’m not surprised why most of my friends got engaged there - the ambience would definitely get you to say Yes. Hihi just kidding.
Aww. They got engaged here. I recalled. As for us, it was a place to lounge on flat bean bags and impatiently wait for Potato Wedges. :) We doodled our future Passion projects on my journal, laughed our hearts out and goofed around for IG-worthy photos. The night was capped off with fireworks display erupting from MOA, just by then our Potato Wedges and Pizza arrived. HUHUHU. P E R F E C T.
It was one of those moments where you get to taste contentment, joy, love almost tangibly. God, thank you. Thank you for simple moments such as tonight. Thank you for Your love. I can spend the rest of Valentine's exactly just like this. JOKE.
I know. It was a golden moment of emotional satisfaction. Yet I only wish we get to keep this 'feeling' at all times. I am also quite familiar with the opposite. I've talked to a lot of ladies. I've read through my Facebook feed. People dreading the Love month. Haha!
Bakit Bitter ang Ampalaya?
Kasi hindi siya kasama sa Bahay Kubo!
There is resentment, frustration, perhaps loneliness when you are not in that Bahay Kubo. When you’re out of the club. Everyone else shares their bae *cringe* photos, relationship goals, dates, flowers and chocolates - you couldn’t help but feel envy, perhaps bitter about it. You might be thinking 'When’s it my turn?' *wouldn’t I love...love to explore that shore up aboooove… HAHA ok. Back to the topic* We acknowledge those emotions. Of course, God has designed us for love and relationship. “It isn’t good for her to be alone.”
You know, I once enjoyed tagging along 5 happy couples - married, engaged, dating couples altogether. And I have learned from them, that while we all see the rainbows and butterflies, truth is that all thriving relationships have gone through a lot. A lot. Just before you beg God for your own, or before you casually throw your hugot or roll your eyes towards their happiness, remember they too, have gone and still go through a lot of trials and hardships to sustain that relationship. That tells us that we don’t simply rush ourselves in Love, we ready ourselves for Love. I have been my parents' marriage counsellor for many years. I have been the crying shoulders of friends who suffered from failed relationships. I tell you, you sure would not trade a Facebook brag-post now for the pain and consequence of any relational dysfunction later. Hehe.
Not Just Romantic Love
My hyper-gratitude last night came out of the realisation that Love is received and given as a whole. We don’t give or receive love in pieces. Just before I rush for romantic love, I take delight in this season where I get to enjoy the love of friendship (and all the many beautiful things that come with it). Of family. Of sisterhoods. Of workmates. God continues to surround us with people for us to receive and give love in His proper and perfect timing. How can you be patient with a Boyfriend when you are not even patient with a friend? How can you honor your Husband’s parents in the future when you cannot even honor your own parents now?
Why don't we try to to build quality relationship with the people we're surrounded with now. Find quality time with them and make beautiful moments with them. We open up to them, we support and be supported by them. In trying times, we learn to forgive when there are offences, to love them when they are being unlovable, etc. In ALL of our relationships, we start to love unconditionally, patiently and perpetually making all our relationship last. That is our #relationshipgoals. And we don’t necessarily need a Romantic Partner now just so we express and experience real love.
Love Yourself, but.
On the other hand, your remedy to the bitterness might probably be celebrating haughtily on your singleness. Strong Independent Human Being. I don’t need anyone. Just go and love yourself. Haha. So you focus all your energy on your SDGs. Self-Development Goals. While it is good to love yourself, it is better if it doesn’t stop there. When you love yourself and stop there - you create walls. You create a facade. You create a fortress, built with many defenses only to numb that longing. Sorry, but we are all wired to be relational and communal beings, so such mindset is a lie. You love yourself but you shall never stop there. In fact, the very purpose that we love ourselves, so 'we use that as a leverage for us to love others better.'
We love because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
Yes. Better. We strive and choose to become better for the people we love.
Maybe, just maybe, this year’s Valentine’s Day happened to be in that (very short-lived) season, space and time of your life where you are still in the process of being and becoming better. Better for the relationship God will give you in the future. Better for all the Valentines Day that are yet to come in your years. Haha sure you've heard this one before: do not be bitter. Be better.
Happy Valentine's Day! :*